Conflict. It’s a profound term. It is inevitable in a relationship. On one hand, undeniably, some conflicts may lead to relationship’s breakdown. On the other hand, it is not a bad thing; it helps the persons involved grow. It helps the relationship become deeper. The relationship is strengthened.
Having read the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris, I realized that one’s goal is not to steer clear of conflict but to learn and discover how to resolve it in a God’s way. Here are ten tips written by Gary and Betsy Ricucci in Love That Lasts, which can help us when we’re experiencing conflict in any of our interpersonal relationship:
- Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly, but without accusing or attacking the other person (Proverbs 11:9).
- Choose words, expressions, and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. Don’t use speech that could offend or spark an argument (Proverbs 15:1).
- Don’t exaggerate, distort, or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme words like never and always (Ephesians 4:25).
- Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.
- Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn’t the goal—you want to get things resolved (Romans 12:17-21).
- Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling, and needing. Try to detect his or her underlying concerns (James 1:19).
- Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal, or argument. Though these emotions are normal, indulging them is sin (Ephesians 4:26).
- Don’t hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person. Make sure you don’t hold grudge (Luke 17:3-4).
- Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solution (Romans 14:19).
- Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reasons!
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